A521.4.3.RB_DellElceCamila

A521.4.3.RB – Subtleties of Communication & Hidden Messages

            When communicating with others, our verbal communications do not always match our body expressions, and understanding where this body language comes from is essential. In addition to body gestures, there are also paralanguage, metamessages, and hidden agendas. Albert Mehrabian (1981) suggests, “the total impact of a message breaks down into: 7 percent verbal, 38 percent vocal, and 55 percent body movements” (McKay et. al., 2011, p. 59). If we think about it, most of our communications come from body expressions. Max S. Kirch (1979) from the University of Delaware believes the American non-verbal communications are very different from those in other cultures, specially West European cultures. He believes the transfer of phonological habits from one’s own language to another creates what we call a “foreign accent.”

            In addition, Max S. Kirch anticipates that whoever the speaker might be, he or she is free to choose the message but not the code of the message. “This is strictly imposed by the language, and it is proper that much time and effort be expended in the efficient learning and teaching of this code. The speaker is, however, free to color his message in certain ways, and these ways are predominantly paralinguistic and kinesic” (1979, p. 416). In the same manner, McKay et. al., describes social kinesics as a type of communication that can be learned. He explains how we receive those gestures from one generation to the other without any specific preparation.

            Subsequently, referring back to my own communication abilities makes me think, I have not always demonstrated sincerity or congruence. For the most part, I am a very patient person and usually I have a hard time expressing my feelings or talking about them. Nevertheless, when I do not like something, my facial expressions are too noticeable. McKay et. al., believes “the face is the most expressive part of the body,” (2009, p. 62) and I agree with his statement. In many instances, for example with my husband, if there were something boring me, I would let it built up on me. In other words, it would usually take days before I would talk about it and my husband would ask if I am all right? With my insincerity, I would tell him I am fine, when deep inside of me, I knew, I was not. Back then, I wish I could had spoken sooner and save him and myself time.

            Another good example is the fact that I am Hispanic. Although I was born in America, I was not fully raised here and English is my second language. Hence, when I am trying to communicate a verbal message, I tend to use my hands a lot and sometimes my articulation is affected by my nervousness. I believe hand’s gestures are part of my Hispanic culture and background. “To experience how much you rely on body movements to communicate, try telling a story without using gestures” (McKay et. al., 2009, p. 63). As the authors challenge people to try a simple task, I have tried it and have miserably failed. I cannot talk without using hand-motions; they are part of who I am. Then, when trying to enunciate the words, they come out wrong a people have a hard time understanding me. It is as if you were to read an article with on commas or grammar punctuation in English with a Hispanic accent. The tempo of my speech is lost.

            In order to fix these and future situations, I have to start by learning my facial expressions. I believe I can hide how I feel, but reality is, I am the only one who believes that. Being aware of it would make me more honest to my husband and others and hopefully less afraid to speak up when I am in disagreement. Additionally, making use of hidden agendas as suggested by the authors, could essentially help me realize, I do not need to be “good” all the time. “Hidden agendas are excellent defensive maneuvers if you don’t fell very good about yourself” (McKay et. al., 2009, p. 80). Furthermore, another way of changing my paralanguage deficiencies would be practicing on how to express. A good suggestion mentioned on the book (Messages, The Communication Skills Book), is recording myself while talking to observe how the pitch, volume, rhythm, articulation and tempo really sound. And lastly, practicing the articulation and tempo exercise could potentially help me get rib of unnecessary misunderstandings at work.

References

Kirch, M. (1979). Non-Verbal Communication across Cultures. Modern Language Journal. Vol. 63, No. 8. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/326027?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages to communication skills book (3^rd ed.). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.