A641.7.3.RB – Appreciating Your “Real Self”
This week
in MSLD 641, Resonant Leadership, we have been looking at our “real self” as we
learn to identify who we are versus what we want to be (Ideal Self). We
completed some exercises in one of our textbooks and are to compose a
reflection blog on what we learned about our lifeline, social identities,
strengths, and roles. What is the concept of ideal and real self? Real
self is how we are and ideal self is where we need to be. When
disconnects exist between real and ideal selves, incongruity develops (Arora,
2015). And the greater the difference between the two, then the greater
the chances of feeling dissatisfied with yourself (Ideal Self, 2015).
That is why, as a leader, it is best to be able to close the gap between how
you see yourself and how others perceive you.
There are
a number of mechanisms and assessments available to help you understand your
ideal versus real self. In this class we have been using some of these
tools to better understand ourselves. For example in the book, Becoming
a Resonant Leader, by Annie McKee, Richard Boyatzis, and Frances Johnston
(2008) contains assessment tools for looking at our lifelines, social
identities, strengths and roles. When looking at my lifeline, how it has
unfolded, the question asked is, “How did I get here?” Obviously, everyone goes
through a lot during their lifespan but writing it down and having a visual aid
to understand the routes life takes us is incredible. I am merely the person I
used to be, as I have change in many ways but I have also kept some essential
roots.
I was
born in New York, Queens, in November 10, 1988. My childhood was not easy, as
my parents never got along and I witness a lot of physical fights, which
resulted in them getting divorced when I was about four years old. At that
time, I lived in New York but my mother had moved with my sister back to her
native country, Bolivia. I stayed with my father for about six months until he
decided it was time for me to be with my mother. In 1993, was officially moved
to Bolivia and that is where I learned Spanish at the age of five. After
leaving with my mother for about four years, I realized how much I needed my
father and decided to move with him and at the age of nine my sister and I,
left my mom’s house and moved to another state with my father. A couple of
years down the road, around 2001, my father got a job offer to transfer to
Miami, Florida. After careful consideration and an awesome vacation in Disney, the
three of us decided that moving was the best move we can make. The following
months, we begged my mother to allow us to move. At first, she was reluctant
but then she understood it was a good opportunity for us.
So, in
2001, we were settled in Miami. It was a drastic change for my sister and I, as
neither of us spoke a word of English. Incredibly, a month before the 911
attempt, we decided to visit our birth city, New York, and the first place we
visited was the Twin Towers, since my father did nothing but talk about it and
promised to take us there whenever the fist opportunity arises. I remember, I
was in my biology class in seventh grade, when suddenly, my teacher turned on
the TV and all my classmates and myself witness the horrific images of the unforgettable
terrorist attack. Without a doubt, it was one of the most shocking moments of
my life, since I felt that could easily have been my father, sister, and self.
Therefore, my first year in the United States were rather traumatic and very
eye opening to the world evils.
But who
new, all of this moving around would bring me to 2007, the day I met my
boyfriend and now husband. I was only eighteen years old and finishing my first
year at college. He was an exchange student from Argentina and destiny made him
move with our neighbor who happened to be my father’s good friend. One
afternoon, he came to my house asking for eggs, as my neighbor had asked him to
come over. We first became friends for about a year, and then started to date.
In December 12, 2008, I married my best friend and although I was only twenty
years old and my father was very upset and not supportive of my decision, I do
not regret anything one bit. Since, we have had our ups and downs, but I would
not have it any other way. We have been married for almost eight years, and I
truly believe everything in life happens for a reason and I was directed to
that point in life to meet the love of my life. I know! Cheesy love story but
is part of my lifeline.
After
marrying my husband, I truly became a better person all around. In my younger
years, I was not too committed to my school and I was not making good grades
and this is something I regret because it affected my grades, GPA, etc.
However, my husband’s determination to become a pilot and maturing with him,
made me realize that I was capable of reaching any goal desired. Since, I
started to study harder despite having to work full time, and in 2013, was
happily graduating from the University of Central Florida with a Bachelors
Degree.
A year
later, in 2014, my husband was offered a job at Embry Riddle as an instructor,
and that gave me the opportunity to pursue this Master’s Degree at no cost.
This past two years have really been all about getting to know the real me. I
thought I wanted to go to Law School, until I was offered a job at a medical
facility and while I thought it was momentarily, I completely fell in love with
the medicine world. Additionally, I was able to put into practice and test my
leadership skill while learning about it. This program has given me more than I
could have ever expected. Although, these past two years have been the hardest
I have ever worked on, I can definitely say, I am taking priceless knowledge
with me. I am currently one class and a capstone away from graduating and I
have been able to keep a 4.0 GPA.
This
year, 2016, has been challenging in many ways. First, acknowledging that I was
no longer pursuing a law degree but a medical one. That entails doing more
investigation, finding new information, frustrations, regrets, stress, etc.
Then, topping that with working a very stressful yet rewarding job that keeps
me mentally and physically challenged. Moreover, trying to balance school and
been a wife. I have had less sleep this past year than I ever had, which
resulted in major health problems. Unfortunately, my stress levels made the
last two semesters very hard to accomplished but thankfully I had great support
from my professors. Today, I continue to have health issues but with time, I
have learned to manage them and only try my best, even if that means getting
behind in some school assignments.
I
believe, in general, my life has thought be a lot, especially been patient and
determine. Nothing that is worth it comes easy and moving to this country made
me understand that. Being Hispanic, came with its pros and cons, as I
experienced a variety of discrimination but also acceptance from others. At
first, I was very embarrassed about my accent but little by little I learned to
embrace my nationality and make good use of it. While working in the medical
field, my bilingual skills have come in handy and sometimes, leaning new things
are easier when you can correlate them to two languages, rather than just one.
My
strengths come from being humble and open to new experiences. I have never felt
less of person or less confidents if I was not handling a “big” role. On the
contrary, every time I had to clean a bathroom, pick up trash, be a waitress,
cashier, etc., it has been an opportunity to understand how any system works.
In other words, it helps me by keeping me grounded. Hence, learning from others
provides me positive energy. Needless to say, people that are not team players
and think too much of themselves do drain my energy, as I work really hard into
changing their attitude. In many instances, I have failed to change negative
responses and I have gotten really frustrated and that is when my weakness out
weights my strengths.
Others
inspire me when I see happy faces, and I am not kidding. When people leave
their problem behind and try to make everyone else’s day better it empowers me.
Honesty is another skills that make my life brilliant. Without a doubt, my
husband is the one person that knows how to make my strengths shine and knows
when to alert me if I am mistaken.
A few strengths
other people see in me are my willingness to help, my commitment to always deliver
my best work possible, I can be reliable, and my honest input in everything
while remaining amicable. On the other hand, my husband is always impressed
about my perseverance, as I do not give up easily when something is
challenging. Moreover, my friends have always appreciated my loyalty.
References
Arora, A. (2015). Real Self Vs. Ideal Self: The Concept
By Carl Rogers. Retrieved from http://www.blogaboutpsychology.com/2014/10/real-self-vs-ideal-self-concept-by-carl.html
Ideal Self. (2015).
Retrieved from Psychology Glossary:
http://www.alleydog.com/glossary/definition.php?term=Ideal%20Self
McKee, A., Boyatzis, R.,
& Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader. (8th ed.). Harvard
Business Press.
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