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A641.9.3.RB – Becoming A Resonant Leader

Dear self,

            I hope this letter finds you well and that you are happy and healthy. I hope that life is treating you well and that you are working on making your dreams come true. I wanted to touch base with you on how things are going. Do you recall that Resonant Leadership course you took in April 2016? Throughout the course you have examined yourself, the impact and necessity for exercising emotional intelligence, as well as bridging the gap in organizational leadership. In a personal vision statement you wrote, one of the main themes you listed was about having a lasting impact on people’s lives while becoming a doctor. As I am sure this goal has not changed, consider three learning goals, along with milestones, action steps, and who will you turn to, to help you make the changes necessary.

            By employing the Intentional Change Theory, or ICT, you can layout your plan to make changes you seek to move from where you see yourself today, to your vision for yourself. Remember, it is easy to decide to change and identify the real and ideal self, but deciding what to change and then actually implementing those changes is another matter entirely. Practicing intentional change is ideal for someone like yourself who struggles to stay on task. I know, it can be easy to get sidetracked over time and suddenly the routine you started to develop is gone. Remember that sustained change comes through intention. Think about what your ideal self was during the time of this letter, how you closed the gaps between the vision and your real self at the time, or are there still areas that could be further developed? Reflecting on the gap between your ideal futures and where your real self is now is a vital component to intentional and sustainable change. Your personal vision sought a desire to overcome negative talk and encourage self-confidence. Intentional change can help you reach that goal by setting small goals and working to build your confidence. Accomplishing this milestone would be a huge benefit for you because it’s the first wall that has been holding you back from your idea future! Don’t let it! You are a capable and motivated person who brings a special gift to the world, just like everyone else. Don’t forget that you are the only person who can dictate your future. Choose to overcome these difficulties by starting with ICT and developing an action plan to take on anything that appears as a negative attractor or element holding you back.  You don’t need that in your life!

            Integrating this into your life will be simple. I’m sure you can think of many reasons why it will not work, but there are equal and more important reasons for why it will. Remember what you said about tipping points and how you discussed that you have yet to have a negative experience from accepting these tipping points? Does that still hold true today? Remember that for every negative, there is an opportunity for growth and development. Stay positive and focused on the goal. You have an abundance of people waiting on the side to help you when you need it, don’t forget about them. I know you sometimes get caught up with your internal motivators, but remember that the relationships you’ve built with others are equally as important to your success. In order to reach this achieve, remember your husband loves you and is there to help you.

            Improve your emotional intelligence by understanding when you feel yourself reaching a boiling point or are at odds with someone whose values may come in conflict with your own, to be aware of those conflicts and to not react too quickly, by listening and not assuming you know where they are headed. To improve emotional intelligence, start reading Emotional Intelligence, The Strength Finder, and of course, finding a mentor will go a long way to helping you. With the two books, there are online tools available to help you determine actions to take, identify your strengths, and provide tips on how to make us of your strengths, and of course with a mentor to help you navigate your changes. I find my current manager could potentially help to achieve this goal, as she is a great example of a leader and I can always count of her if I need her.

            Become a leader coach to bridge leadership gaps. Your passion for leadership and developing others is commendable, but you should be careful to ensure you are properly prepared and are trained to do this. This may require you to find a mentor of your own, someone you can bounce your ideas off of, take the necessary classes to ensure you do the coaching properly, and then of course, you need to find someone to mentor. As you work to become a coach, you can use professional mentoring programs such as the International Coach Federation at http://www.coachfederation.org. There you will find information on training, levels of certification, and of course mentoring sources. In addition, you may consider looking into the formal mentoring programs available through DLA, and as you position yourself to become a mentor, you can use these same tools in reverse, or initiate a mentoring program within your organization on your own. I believe both; Dr. Knab and Dr. Spruill will be willing to help if I ever need any feedback when it comes to leadership due to their significant background.  

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A641.8.3.RB – Personal Balance Sheet

            During the class semester, we have been asked to complete different exercises from the ‘Becoming a resonant leader’ (2008) workbook, in an attempt to get to know ourselves, and our ambitions. I am twenty-seven years old, going to twenty-eight in November, and I have been blessed enough to experience different paths of work; you name it I have done it. My jobs have consisted from Chinese restaurant cashier, Italian shoe sales person, make up artist, waitress, chocolatier, front desk assistant for medical office and beauty salon, paralegal, customer service specialist for Dick’s Sporting Goods, and now medical assistant. My background varies significantly, but I would like to believe that some of my strengths are being honest, perseverant, organized and responsible. In different occasions, employers have admired my attention for detail, my friendliness and manners with my coworker and customers or patients, my positive attitude towards stressful situations, and having a good memory.

            On the other hand, I am pretty sure I have potential strengths, as nobody is perfect. At one point or another, we have to continue pursuing the better self of each other. Ideally speaking, I think most of my improvements need to be focused on learning how to manage my time slightly better. Unfortunately, during the time I have been completing the Leadership program, I have also been working a very demanding full time job, often leaving me physically and mentally drained. For that reason, I would like to incorporate a routine where I can dedicate myself a little more time to enjoy and not spend year after year, from work to home, and do home, then cook, clean my house, and repeat. Having a balanced lifestyle is something I look forward to having.

            My enduring disposition that supports me is the ability to surpass any stress situation. I have to say; I am kind of addicted to working in stressful environments. I find some beauty when chaos shifts my days unexpectedly. I guess I am able to see the positive in situations where most people tend to loose their character and I usually do it with a smile in my face. If I am not dealing with this type of environment, I myself bored. Therefore, this could potentially help me while working as a doctor in the near future.

            Although, I am very proud to be Hispanic, I would love to be able to communicate or verbalize my English in a better way. My accent is very thick, but for the most part, when I get used to talking in a specific environment, I tend to do very well. However, I realized that early in the mornings or when I am really tired, it feels as my tongue gets slow or tide and people have a harder time understanding me. For that reason, I would like to attend one of those courses where they help you learn enunciation of words. I would never give up my accent, but being able to deliver a well-understood message is also important.

            Additionally, another weakness I would like to change because I know I do not do well, is maintain a healthier lifestyle. I have been using the excuse of work and school for the longest time, and I feel that if I do not get started now, I will never do. Sometimes, it takes more effort to begin exercising but once you find a routine, it because second nature. Usually, I start running for three consecutive weeks, until something comes up and I have to stop. Then another six months go by and I do nothing in the mean time, so all my effort is trashed the moment I stopped. Running has been my passion for the longest time, and now that I plan to start the pre requisites for medical school at the end of August, and will no longer work, I hope to find time to adapt my new schedule with healthier choices.

            Lastly, an enduring disposition that sometimes gets in my way but I do not want to change is when I am stubborn. Sometimes, I get this feeling that I need to finish school soon, and I start taking more courses at the same time. In the process, my husband and voice of reason, is always there to remind me how stressful it can get and how is not worth the struggle. Nevertheless, my stubborn self, end up doing what I want and I end up struggling more. I am only competing against time with myself. Nobody is pressuring me to finish earlier, but sometimes, knowing that I will be attending medical school at almost thirty makes me want to do finish everything quicker. But in the end, I know my behavior is not optimal and instead, makes me less effective.  

References

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader. (8^th ed.). Harvard Business Press.

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A641.7.3.RB – Appreciating Your “Real Self”

            This week in MSLD 641, Resonant Leadership, we have been looking at our “real self” as we learn to identify who we are versus what we want to be (Ideal Self).  We completed some exercises in one of our textbooks and are to compose a reflection blog on what we learned about our lifeline, social identities, strengths, and roles. What is the concept of ideal and real self?  Real self is how we are and ideal self is where we need to be.  When disconnects exist between real and ideal selves, incongruity develops (Arora, 2015).  And the greater the difference between the two, then the greater the chances of feeling dissatisfied with yourself (Ideal Self, 2015).  That is why, as a leader, it is best to be able to close the gap between how you see yourself and how others perceive you.

            There are a number of mechanisms and assessments available to help you understand your ideal versus real self.  In this class we have been using some of these tools to better understand ourselves.  For example in the book, Becoming a Resonant Leader, by Annie McKee, Richard Boyatzis, and Frances Johnston (2008) contains assessment tools for looking at our lifelines, social identities, strengths and roles. When looking at my lifeline, how it has unfolded, the question asked is, “How did I get here?” Obviously, everyone goes through a lot during their lifespan but writing it down and having a visual aid to understand the routes life takes us is incredible. I am merely the person I used to be, as I have change in many ways but I have also kept some essential roots.

            I was born in New York, Queens, in November 10, 1988. My childhood was not easy, as my parents never got along and I witness a lot of physical fights, which resulted in them getting divorced when I was about four years old. At that time, I lived in New York but my mother had moved with my sister back to her native country, Bolivia. I stayed with my father for about six months until he decided it was time for me to be with my mother. In 1993, was officially moved to Bolivia and that is where I learned Spanish at the age of five. After leaving with my mother for about four years, I realized how much I needed my father and decided to move with him and at the age of nine my sister and I, left my mom’s house and moved to another state with my father. A couple of years down the road, around 2001, my father got a job offer to transfer to Miami, Florida. After careful consideration and an awesome vacation in Disney, the three of us decided that moving was the best move we can make. The following months, we begged my mother to allow us to move. At first, she was reluctant but then she understood it was a good opportunity for us.

            So, in 2001, we were settled in Miami. It was a drastic change for my sister and I, as neither of us spoke a word of English. Incredibly, a month before the 911 attempt, we decided to visit our birth city, New York, and the first place we visited was the Twin Towers, since my father did nothing but talk about it and promised to take us there whenever the fist opportunity arises. I remember, I was in my biology class in seventh grade, when suddenly, my teacher turned on the TV and all my classmates and myself witness the horrific images of the unforgettable terrorist attack. Without a doubt, it was one of the most shocking moments of my life, since I felt that could easily have been my father, sister, and self. Therefore, my first year in the United States were rather traumatic and very eye opening to the world evils.

            But who new, all of this moving around would bring me to 2007, the day I met my boyfriend and now husband. I was only eighteen years old and finishing my first year at college. He was an exchange student from Argentina and destiny made him move with our neighbor who happened to be my father’s good friend. One afternoon, he came to my house asking for eggs, as my neighbor had asked him to come over. We first became friends for about a year, and then started to date. In December 12, 2008, I married my best friend and although I was only twenty years old and my father was very upset and not supportive of my decision, I do not regret anything one bit. Since, we have had our ups and downs, but I would not have it any other way. We have been married for almost eight years, and I truly believe everything in life happens for a reason and I was directed to that point in life to meet the love of my life. I know! Cheesy love story but is part of my lifeline.

            After marrying my husband, I truly became a better person all around. In my younger years, I was not too committed to my school and I was not making good grades and this is something I regret because it affected my grades, GPA, etc. However, my husband’s determination to become a pilot and maturing with him, made me realize that I was capable of reaching any goal desired. Since, I started to study harder despite having to work full time, and in 2013, was happily graduating from the University of Central Florida with a Bachelors Degree.

            A year later, in 2014, my husband was offered a job at Embry Riddle as an instructor, and that gave me the opportunity to pursue this Master’s Degree at no cost. This past two years have really been all about getting to know the real me. I thought I wanted to go to Law School, until I was offered a job at a medical facility and while I thought it was momentarily, I completely fell in love with the medicine world. Additionally, I was able to put into practice and test my leadership skill while learning about it. This program has given me more than I could have ever expected. Although, these past two years have been the hardest I have ever worked on, I can definitely say, I am taking priceless knowledge with me. I am currently one class and a capstone away from graduating and I have been able to keep a 4.0 GPA.

            This year, 2016, has been challenging in many ways. First, acknowledging that I was no longer pursuing a law degree but a medical one. That entails doing more investigation, finding new information, frustrations, regrets, stress, etc. Then, topping that with working a very stressful yet rewarding job that keeps me mentally and physically challenged. Moreover, trying to balance school and been a wife. I have had less sleep this past year than I ever had, which resulted in major health problems. Unfortunately, my stress levels made the last two semesters very hard to accomplished but thankfully I had great support from my professors. Today, I continue to have health issues but with time, I have learned to manage them and only try my best, even if that means getting behind in some school assignments.

            I believe, in general, my life has thought be a lot, especially been patient and determine. Nothing that is worth it comes easy and moving to this country made me understand that. Being Hispanic, came with its pros and cons, as I experienced a variety of discrimination but also acceptance from others. At first, I was very embarrassed about my accent but little by little I learned to embrace my nationality and make good use of it. While working in the medical field, my bilingual skills have come in handy and sometimes, leaning new things are easier when you can correlate them to two languages, rather than just one.

            My strengths come from being humble and open to new experiences. I have never felt less of person or less confidents if I was not handling a “big” role. On the contrary, every time I had to clean a bathroom, pick up trash, be a waitress, cashier, etc., it has been an opportunity to understand how any system works. In other words, it helps me by keeping me grounded. Hence, learning from others provides me positive energy. Needless to say, people that are not team players and think too much of themselves do drain my energy, as I work really hard into changing their attitude. In many instances, I have failed to change negative responses and I have gotten really frustrated and that is when my weakness out weights my strengths.

            Others inspire me when I see happy faces, and I am not kidding. When people leave their problem behind and try to make everyone else’s day better it empowers me. Honesty is another skills that make my life brilliant. Without a doubt, my husband is the one person that knows how to make my strengths shine and knows when to alert me if I am mistaken.

            A few strengths other people see in me are my willingness to help, my commitment to always deliver my best work possible, I can be reliable, and my honest input in everything while remaining amicable. On the other hand, my husband is always impressed about my perseverance, as I do not give up easily when something is challenging. Moreover, my friends have always appreciated my loyalty.

References

Arora, A. (2015). Real Self Vs. Ideal Self: The Concept By Carl Rogers. Retrieved from http://www.blogaboutpsychology.com/2014/10/real-self-vs-ideal-self-concept-by-carl.html

Ideal Self. (2015). Retrieved from Psychology Glossary: http://www.alleydog.com/glossary/definition.php?term=Ideal%20Self

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader. (8^th ed.). Harvard Business Press.