A521.8.4.RB_DellElceCamila

A521.8.4.RB – Making Contact

            While growing up, my mother was very timid but my father was very friendly and easy to get to know. In that same regard, my sister came out to be just like my father and me, more like my mother. I remember making friends in school was not easy for me but I always thought I rather have a full hand of true friends that too many who are not as good. I was raised with rules and knowing when to speak. I believe my rules apply to the nineteenth-century as Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning (2009) suggested. “Nineteenth-century rules mandated that strangers must be introduced by a third party before initiating conversation” (McKay et. al., 2009, p. 205). Sometimes, my extroversion came from not know what exactly say to the other person. I felt that if I did not have information to provide about the subject matter they were talking about, I would make myself a fool for interfering the conversation. The authors McKay et. al., (2009, p. 207) believe that:

Your fear of rejection is largely a product of how you conceptualize, or fame, your meeting with an interesting stranger. Here are some negative frames that will inhibit you when meeting people:

·      “They’ll think I want something from them.”

·      “He probably wouldn’t be attracted to me.”

·      “They’re nice but wouldn’t want to be friends with me.”

·      “She’s gorgeous. What would she see in me?”

            Nevertheless, as I reached my late teenage years, I changed my personality a lot. I went from being antisocial to somehow extroverted. I learned that talking to strangers is not as bad as I thought. It gave me the opportunity to learn from someone else to whom I had no feelings attached or no responsibility over them. Today, I can say, I am one hundred percent comfortable establishing a conversation with a stranger or someone new. Needless to say, there are thing or habits that never change; therefore, although I have no problem talking to new people, I still have some reservations as far as my private life goes. I like to believe, I still offer an honest amicable presentation of myself when introducing my persona to someone else. But it takes a lot of time for me to trust someone with important information, especially if it comes from me. Hence, I am more prone to talk or relate to strangers when they are older than me, or know a lot about a subject matter I find interesting.

            The lessons I can take from chapter 14 to improve my ability to connect with others are many. One good point is the idea to expect to be rejected by at least three people during a one-week period. By doing so, I give myself the opportunity to learn and experience rejection. McKay et. al., believe there are two basic rules to make successful contacts. To begin with, “you have to give what you would like to receive, which means that the attention, interest, respect, and liking that you want must also be something you offer to others” (McKay et. al., 2009, p. 209). Additionally, making use of body language could be very beneficiary to turn an awkward public presentation into something splendid. Body language encompasses eye contact, having facial expressions, and physically connecting with others.  A good example is leaning forward; “leaning back against the seat communicates fatigue or disinterest, while leaning forward indicates that you are engaged and ready for contact” (McKay et. al., 2009, p. 210). 

            Moreover, I believe I can make good use of icebreakers. For example, I find that sometimes when getting to know other people, I get slightly nervous. Therefore, using my accent as an icebreaker could ultimately lead to a more relaxed conversation. Telling the stranger or strangers that my accent is thick and to people advice me if at any time they do not understand, with a smile on my face, can actually create a more suitable environment for everyone. Or, another way to improve my ability to connect with others is by become an active listener. A few times, I have found myself concentrating in what to say next and loosing track on what the other person is talking about. “The second hallmark of a good conversationalist is the ability to listen in such a way that others feel heard” (McKay et. at., 2009, p. 214). It is very important that when you are having a conversation with someone else, to be able to rephrase what the other person said before.

            In conclusion, “conversation is the art of combining questions, active listening, and self-disclosure in such a way that people keep talking and enjoy it” (McKay et. al., 2009, p. 217).

References

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages to communication skills book (3^rd ed.). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.