A521.8.4.RB – Making Contact
While
growing up, my mother was very timid but my father was very friendly and easy
to get to know. In that same regard, my sister came out to be just like my
father and me, more like my mother. I remember making friends in school was not
easy for me but I always thought I rather have a full hand of true friends that
too many who are not as good. I was raised with rules and knowing when to
speak. I believe my rules apply to the nineteenth-century as Matthew McKay,
Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning (2009) suggested. “Nineteenth-century rules
mandated that strangers must be introduced by a third party before initiating
conversation” (McKay et. al., 2009, p. 205). Sometimes, my extroversion came
from not know what exactly say to the other person. I felt that if I did not
have information to provide about the subject matter they were talking about, I
would make myself a fool for interfering the conversation. The authors McKay
et. al., (2009, p. 207) believe that:
Your fear of rejection is largely
a product of how you conceptualize, or fame, your meeting with an interesting
stranger. Here are some negative frames that will inhibit you when meeting
people:
·
“They’ll think I want something from them.”
·
“He probably wouldn’t be attracted to me.”
·
“They’re nice but wouldn’t want to be friends
with me.”
·
“She’s gorgeous. What would she see in me?”
Nevertheless,
as I reached my late teenage years, I changed my personality a lot. I went from
being antisocial to somehow extroverted. I learned that talking to strangers is
not as bad as I thought. It gave me the opportunity to learn from someone else
to whom I had no feelings attached or no responsibility over them. Today, I can
say, I am one hundred percent comfortable establishing a conversation with a
stranger or someone new. Needless to say, there are thing or habits that never
change; therefore, although I have no problem talking to new people, I still
have some reservations as far as my private life goes. I like to believe, I
still offer an honest amicable presentation of myself when introducing my
persona to someone else. But it takes a lot of time for me to trust someone
with important information, especially if it comes from me. Hence, I am more
prone to talk or relate to strangers when they are older than me, or know a lot
about a subject matter I find interesting.
The lessons
I can take from chapter 14 to improve my ability to connect with others are
many. One good point is the idea to expect to be rejected by at least three
people during a one-week period. By doing so, I give myself the opportunity to
learn and experience rejection. McKay et. al., believe there are two basic
rules to make successful contacts. To begin with, “you have to give what you
would like to receive, which means that the attention, interest, respect, and
liking that you want must also be something you offer to others” (McKay et.
al., 2009, p. 209). Additionally, making use of body language could be very
beneficiary to turn an awkward public presentation into something splendid.
Body language encompasses eye contact, having facial expressions, and
physically connecting with others. A
good example is leaning forward; “leaning back against the seat communicates
fatigue or disinterest, while leaning forward indicates that you are engaged
and ready for contact” (McKay et. al., 2009, p. 210).
Moreover, I
believe I can make good use of icebreakers. For example, I find that sometimes
when getting to know other people, I get slightly nervous. Therefore, using my
accent as an icebreaker could ultimately lead to a more relaxed conversation. Telling
the stranger or strangers that my accent is thick and to people advice me if at
any time they do not understand, with a smile on my face, can actually create a
more suitable environment for everyone. Or, another way to improve my ability
to connect with others is by become an active listener. A few times, I have
found myself concentrating in what to say next and loosing track on what the
other person is talking about. “The second hallmark of a good conversationalist
is the ability to listen in such a way that others feel heard” (McKay et. at.,
2009, p. 214). It is very important that when you are having a conversation
with someone else, to be able to rephrase what the other person said before.
In
conclusion, “conversation is the art of combining questions, active listening,
and self-disclosure in such a way that people keep talking and enjoy it” (McKay
et. al., 2009, p. 217).
References
McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages
to communication skills book (3rd ed.). Oakland, CA: New
Harbinger Publications.
